Tonight I watched Summer Palace by Lou Ye. When it ended, I felt like telling the person I’m seeing about it, and naturally that provoked the urge to grab my phone. But instead, I figured I could take my audiopager, and record a message to her there. I spent around five minutes lying on the couch and voicing my thoughts about the film I’d just seen. When I finished, I felt such a peace and quiet… After a while, I washed the dishes and played a bit of the movie’s soundtrack that was still in my head on the piano. Now, half an hour later, I’m listening to music and writing this down, and I still feel that same peace and quiet. It’s such a rare feeling to have!
I’m certain that, had I taken my phone at the beginning, I would’ve gone down a different path, one of the many that the device offers me at any point. I might’ve sent that message about the film, but it wouldn’t have been that thoughtful of a reflection, and I might not have even gotten to sending it. (We don’t even say write anymore, just send!) I’m certain I would have checked other random bits of information, because my mind continually craves them when I’m on my phone. I go back and forth between different apps, and it seems I’m unable to put the device down.
Is it better to do the dishes than to reply to an incoming message, or check some reels? Although your mom might say so, I’m not here to argue the benefits of a clean sink. Instead, I want to share how good it felt to experience that quiet, uninterrupted flow of awareness. For sure, the film I saw helped evoke such a state of mind. But then it lingered, and I lingered in the dream of a present moment that didn’t end because it didn’t get interrupted. It made me realize I don’t want to give that up – and how many times I do give that up every day.
Where is that feeling normally? How often is it possible for me to be in that locus of my mind, without experiencing the anxiety of a lack of incoming information? Do I really want to chain my mind and body to this constant feed of data, which my phone provides ever so willingly? The answer is obviously no, but it’s very hard to keep remembering that. (And phones are, at the end of the day, very useful!)
We’ve grown so accustomed to checking our phones at every spare moment that it is really, really hard to fully appreciate how weird and compulsive that behaviour is. But try to witness, in the next ten minutes or so, how often you feel like doing so, and how strong that feeling is. Isn’t it kinda strange, this non-stop desire for something to tell us what to think about next? (If you’re on your computer, try this with the act of opening a new tab!)
It’s not like ditching your phone will make you walk around like a Zen Buddhist monk the entire day. There will be many moments where your mind is racing, distracted, anxious, wanting a break… Still, it feels obvious that there should be devices available to us that provide those essential functions while minimizing, rather than maximizing, how often our attention is hijacked. This is what I’d like audiopager to do, the voice-message device I’m building: it provides a simple communication link to a handful of people, free from distraction. Because it is a beautiful thing to experience your attention flowing the way it wants to, without interruption.